Gender on the Playground

Thoughts on gender roles and labels from the mother of a long-haired theybie

Guess how many times my child was misgendered today...

Normally, it doesn’t bother me too much. I guess I’ve accepted that having a long-haired boy means people will often be confused and think he is a girl. Today, however, after 4 or 5 times, it just felt...disappointing.

We had a really splendid day. It’s been so good to get out for some activities and Tony is enjoying the fullness of what life has to offer. He’s probably not bothered by folks calling him “she” or saying “the little girl” but it does nag at me a little bit and it got me thinking about how we can be better. Not just for little confusions about boys with long hair or girls who like bugs, or whatever norms we’re affirming, but what about the little kid who’s not quite sure? What about the kid who starts to feel like they’re not the gender everyone keeps calling them at the park or at school? What happens when they know their correct gender and people keep getting it wrong, simply because they’re assuming instead of asking. 

I get the psychology of it. Our brains have become programmed to identify, label, and group. But now that we know better, we must do better. Now that we know that gender is a spectrum, we, as the parents of children today, have the power to adjust the language we expose our children to. How we talk about the other kids at gymnastics class matters. The labels and word choice we speak in their presence have a direct effect on how they will in turn view the world and interact with others.

In the spirit of kindness and building a more inclusive world, can we commit to making a shift? Can we use gender neutral terms on the playground when we don’t know someone. I’m super guilty of assuming gender in this way. It’s our nature to say “wait for the little boy”, “give her a turn”, etc. but there are so many other options. I’ll be actively working to change the language I use when talking about other people in front of my child. I’ll replace “little boy” and “her” with “little kid”, “friend”, or “them”.

Using language that affirms the gender spectrum teaches my own little one that he doesn’t have to group others into “male” or “female”. It also teaches that “he” doesn’t have to be the labels used for him now. While I’ll continue to use male pronouns for him for now, I understand that only he will be able to determine his true gender and when he does, that’ll be awesome.

- mom blog - toddler mom - theybie - gender roles - gender norms
- gender spectrum - gender is a construct - be yourself - pronouns matter